The New Face of Republican Politics

Faith, Family, and Fucked Up!      We’ve seen some rather interesting things happen in the field of politics in just these last couple months alone. We saw Bachmann back out, and the start of a new holy war waged from the right. Say goodbye to news on the 99%, because now women are the ones under fire. This is actually very good news indeed! Well, not for the women mind you, but overall. It means the economy is improving, and the right finally has much more opportunity to present America with a clear picture of their social agenda. I must say, from what I’ve seen and read, it is nothing short of spectacular!

A little time-travel if I may:

When John McCain was the nominee for president in 2007, the American people decided they had had enough of republican garbage. After all, look at what they did to this country. That’s not to say democrats didn’t double dip into policies that made this country worse off as well during this period, but the aftermath of hurricane Dubyah left a very bad taste in a lot of people’s mouths, and it also, for the first time, scared the crap out of everyone that could vote. It would explain the historical turnout to the polls that fateful November.

Obama, who I voted for, used this awesome time in politics to harness that fear and change it to “hope” and, well, change. Obviously I and a lot of other independents out there didn’t really believe everything he promised, but when I look at a potential leader for our nation, sadly… I have to go with the “lesser of two evils” strategy. I weighed the pro’s and con’s of each candidate, and made my decision soundly. I had two options: a young, black civil rights attorney from Illinois, or an older-than-dirt white ex-naval officer from Arizona with a vice-presidential running-mate who’s head popped off every time she spoke.

What I was really deciding was “black lawyer, or bat-shit insane mid-western mom who very well could become president if McCain bites it.” The choice was obvious… I had to go with the lawyer, and the lawyer won. This didn’t sit well with the republicans, especially those that would eventually break off and form the tea party. And so started a new kind of republican party! These people were appalled that their party was so disliked that they lost the presidency to a black man! Their solution? Push the party so far right that their potential nominees for president are so unelectable that their party once again loses not only the possibility of the white house, but another senate and house majority along with it.

The Grand Old Party received it’s first real face lift, and it looks something like this:

They should have stopped after Palin, but after a while, sensationalism becomes addictive. Who can we put in front of cameras that has the most shock value? Apparently what makes for good ratings hurts the seriousness of the campaign. We said our tearful farewells to Perry, Bachmann and Cain, who took the nation by storm last year. They played a good game and got a lot of attention, but after all was said and done, their torches were extinguished and they were expelled from the island.

Now we have four actual candidates garnering attention from the media: Mitt Romney, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul and Newt Gingrich. That’s it. Those are the people we are left with, and while they are better than the aforementioned group of crazy (excluding Santorum), they still suck. I made a promise that Newt would never again darken a doorway in Washington, and I’d like to once again reassure you that Mr. Gingrich will not be a presidential hopeful. I honestly can’t believe he’s still hanging on. Being a living contradiction to everything he stands for, he’s still amusingly latched on to this campaign like a pit bull on a leg.

Ron Paul has a few good things going for him that may make him actually electable… to libertarians, but some of the things he stands for politically are just too far left for the GOP. Also, no one really knows for sure what skeletons he’s hiding in those catacombs of his, because aside from those early racist newsletters, being liberal about certain things, and ridiculous commercials, no one really pays that much attention to him. By the way, those commercials should say a lot about how this man views the average American. It may not be a far cry from the truth that a good majority are complete morons, but it’s kind of insulting to me at least. Since the economy is doing better, let’s take a look at a bit of what he wants this country to focus on (keep in mind, not all of them are bad stances, but they are nails in his coffin as a republican candidate):

– Let’s abolish income tax!

– The US was better off before the civil rights movement. Wait, was the camera on?

– Let’s let the states decide what rights their citizens can have. Why make a federal case about it?

– War on drugs? Waste of money. Leave that to the states.

– I’m pro-life, but… we should let the states decide.

– I don’t like war! War is bad.

– Life begins at conception, well, because I feel that’s what they want me to say.

– What is this paper money we carry around? I demand golden American deblumes!

– Marriage is kind of stupid in any circumstance. Shouldn’t be a federal case.

– Job creators forced to provide non-discriminatory equal pay? Over my dead and rotting corpse!

Mitt Romney is a guy that just won’t go away, no matter how much his own party and the rest of the American people make it clear they hate him. This is what happens when bored multimillionaires play politics. They can keep going for years, like underground coal fires. He’s someone that will say just about anything to get that presidential nomination, but it seems that no amount of money can erase his checkered past, or get people to look away from how he made his money in the first place. Oh hell no, not in this economy!

Did I also mention he’s Mormon? It’s probably worth noting, but it’s not the big deal Fox News would have everyone believe. I mean, have you seen the evangelical and Catholic candidates lately? For the first time in my life, I’m starting to actually not hate Mormons.

I said “starting to,” let’s not go crazy here.

When you put a Mormon next to someone like, say, Santorum, you begin to notice that perhaps the Mormons aren’t the really crazy ones after all. Did you know that Mormons can use birth control? Did you also know that once upon a time, Mitt Romney supported Planned Parenthood? That really shouldn’t surprise you, because remember, Republican and Democrat should be complete polar opposites in 2012! Anything that is defined as liberal in the slightest is terrible, and Romney had to flip that flop to make it fly!

Let’s take a look at what Mitt Romney stands for:

– Well, the winds are blowing out of the northeast, the temperature is around 60 degrees… it’s a Sunday and it is February. Perhaps it’s best not to say anything until next month when the weather is a bit warmer and his stances shift to accommodate that.

I had to save the best for last, Rick Santorum. Michelle Bachmann had NOTHING on this guy when it comes to being completely insane, and possibly becoming a candidate! Everyone who watches the news lately knows where this guy stands on social issues. Like a tree that’s standing by the water, he shall not be moved! Being a gay liberally-leaning guy, you can bet I’ll be biased when it comes to GOP candidates, but this is my guy right here. I’m counting on Santorum to get that nomination, because when that happens, all bets are off… if you were betting on a republican white house in 2013 that is. Even republican voters that haven’t fled the party will look at this guy and then look at Obama and weep as they cast their ballots. Let’s look at where Santorum stands on the “issues:”

– Contraception is not only evil, it’s dangerous!

– Abortions make me cry, but child poverty not so much.

– A child would be better off having parents in prison, possibly being sodomized themselves, rather than having gay parents.

– Do I even have to announce my stance on gay marriage?

– It’s okay to bully and torment gay people! I mean, legally it may not be, but I’ll look the other way.

– It’s okay to discriminate against gay employees.

– It’s okay for corporations to ship jobs overseas with no penalty

– I’m pro-life… just not for people on death row.

– We should take all the money we use to regulate business and use them to fight wars on drugs and contraception!

– If you want your children to have a good education, home school them, like I did! Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to cut your school’s funding and put it where it really counts! Abstinence education!

– If your school allows prayer, you can have that federal funding for actual classrooms instead of trailers. That whole separation of church and state thing doesn’t really mean anything.

– Environment? HA! My seven children don’t need to see forests or have non-toxic drinking water!

– I love lobbyists!

– I’m for ID when registering to vote, but not so much for gun purchase.

– Take your medicare and shove it!

– I, like many other Christians, am very pro-war!

– No raises in minimum wage! You’ll just buy birth control with it!

– I agree with Bush 98% of the time, but I say when I don’t.

– Wall Street will own your retirement! Down with Social Security!

And you know what’s sad? I’m not over-exaggerating this. This is what the GOP has put before the Obama administration, which means Obama really doesn’t even have to try to campaign. When you look at the sorry state of disarray the GOP is in, it’s hard not to feel pity. There is no sane alternative to Obama, just this. When did this party get so extreme and totally lose touch with not only America but modern civilization? I really do hope that one day the party will turn around and both sides can keep things in check (and actually get things accomplished) with compromises. It’s OKAY for either side to drift left or right if the policies make sense and are good for the growth and well-being of our nation. What we have right now is a total disaster, and it’s all on the right.

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